Dec
28
2016

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

This is the first time I have ever written to you and I sincerely hope that you grant me my wishes. It’s been a bad year. (I mean the elec…never mind, I don’t want to talk about it.) And, yes, this letter may have something to do with the fact that I can’t think of anything to write about.

But whatever. Let me start again.

Dear Santa. What I really want for Christmas is a family compound. And, Santa, this could be a 5-for-1! Think about it. There are 4 small boys who would like nothing more than to be able to be with Grandpa 24/7. Nothing would ever make them happier. And…

Lov? Are you all right? You’re making odd noises…like you’re being strangled?!? I’m not writing to you, you-know. This is just between me and Santa.

Santa, think about Tracy, my daughter. She would love to have her parents right next door. Or better still, in the next room. Her kids drive her crazy. They’re crazy, crazy boys. And she’s about to have another baby. I know it was bad judgement, but Santa, we could still save her.

I’m flexible, Santa. I could do a three-family with a large yard. The grandchildren could have a swing set, a jungle gym, and a giant sandbox. Death wish Auggie and Max would love nothing better than to spend every day together. They don’t really egg each other on..that’s just a little family joke, honest…

Lov? Are you coughing? Why are you doubled up on the floor like that? You’re not supposed to be reading my letters. What goes to Santa, stays with Santa.

Well, Dear Santa. The world has gone astray. Mother’s were not meant to be alone with children, in big houses. Retired folks were not meant to be alone with only Facebook and Free-cell to console them. I’m bored. My daughter is stressed. My son and daughter-in-law have to work 60 hours each week. My grandchildren only want family.

I want my grandchildren to have my childhood.

Once upon a time, I was born in a village (Rehoboth village if you need the details). I lived next to the post office and the church. I could go through the woods to grandmother’s house (and there were no wolves). If I went through the cow pasture, and the next yard, I got to Aunt Lou’s. Mom and Aunt Lou raised their children together. They’d take us all down to Grandma’s house, throw us all outside, and sit down and play bridge for the afternoon. During that happy feral childhood, we’d climb tree’s, fall into grandpa’s pond, smash concord grapes, and throw crab apples at each other.

So. Santa, you can see it’s a long tradition. My mother and aunts lived with their parents, their grandfather, and their great-grandmother on the farm and…

Lov?…Well, yes, they had to use an outhouse and carry in wood to heat and cook with…Yes, everybody was pretty happy to leave the farm behind, but really, I’m writing to Santa here.

Dear Santa. Mind you, I’m not asking for cow’s or pigs or chickens, just three nice houses within walking distance of each other. Or one big house with lots of sound-proofing. Or one of those faux-dorms for millenniums. The ones with a huge kitchen and living room, and small private, sound-proofed quarters that anti-social folks could hide in. I mean, I’m very flexible.

Really Santa, this could work. My daughter-in-law is an architect. She could design the compound. My son-in-law is handy. He could take care of all the minor repairs. We could add a green-house for my husband. We’d buy in bulk, and share the internet. There would be six able-bodied adults to snow shovel!

Meanwhile, I could cook and keep the kitchen clean.

What Lov? I have so cooked! And I have cleaned a kitchen! I did it last yea…never you mind!

Please. Santa. Ignore that man. All you have to do is convince him…and my son-in-law…my daughter-in-law…and my son. (I’ve enclosed all the grandson’s letters and while they are in my hand writing, it’s really what they want too.) Oh! You may have to change a few zoning laws too, but I have faith in you and the reindeer!

Umm…while I’m writing, could you add a pub? I’d really like a pub within walking distance of my compound. And please speed up the arrival of self-driving cars. Also, I would appreciate world peace, and a different election result. And, oh heck, you might also throw in an pressure cooker.

Sincerely,
Carol-Ane

P.S Thank you!

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