Feb
05
2016

CSI Foxboro

The Lineup2It was CSI time at the Woodard house. Which of the toddlers had done it?

Sunday had started typically. The day before I had made a deal with the devil: her husband for her son.

“If you want my husband to work for you all day,” declared my daughter “you’ve got to take Max to church, invite me over for the afternoon, and feed us dinner. I can’t parent alone for one more day.”

Well, OK, fair enough.

So we made roast chicken and had my daughter and family over. A fine time was had by all. I was busy finishing up the dishes when I got a second call.

“Could we…umm…put the kids to bed at your house?” asked my son. “Umm…not leave them.” he hastened to add, perhaps interpreting my sudden silence correctly. “We’ll stay. We just want to watch the game.”

Well, OK, fair enough.

So one family left as another arrived. Meantime, I stayed in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes, looking forward to an early bedtime while everyone else watched strangely dressed men toss around a ball and jump on each other. Life was good.

I noticed it the next morning.

“Why is there a spoon in the plant in the bathroom?” I asked my husband.The Crime Scene2

“What? What plant?”

“I put the plant that was on the table in the bathtub. You know, so that I could set the table.”

“What are you talking about?”

I shrugged and went about my business.

Later, my husband independently discovered the scene of the crime. He immediately got his camera. He noted that the tall plant in the bathtub not only had a spoon stuck in the dirt, but that someone had obviously used that same spoon to deposit a pile of dirt in the tub and another pile near the sink.

“Hmmm.” he murmured. “Who do you like for it?”

“Well, ordinarily I would say Auggie…of course…Auggie, but I don’t think he had time. Didn’t they put him to bed right away?”

“I don’t think it’s Abel, because he has an engineering mind. The piles would have been much more orderly.” mused my husband.

I tried to remember the evening.

My house has this remarkable feature. One that I did not realize until one of my son’s friends had declared…”Boy, as a kid, I just loved your house.”

This was odd because I loved his house, as it was much bigger and generally way more interesting than my own small cape. “You could run round and round and round in a circle in that house.” he went on to explain.

That was what my daughter’s children were doing that night. We adults were siting around the dinning table urging them on.

“Run! Run! Here comes Max! Yea! Here comes Ryder! Yea! Round and round and round they go!” The children whooped loudly while making a circle from the dining room, into the kitchen, down the hall, through the living room, and back into the dining room.

We were not doing this out of any perverse Woodardly desire for maximum noise and chaos; we were doing it because that way, we knew exactly where they were and what they were doing. So I was sure it wasn’t my daughters’ children, they were busy whooping. But my husband had a different theory.

“You know, it could be Ryder.” he commented.

We went though what we knew of the suspects. They all had motive. After all, dirt and a spoon…who could resist? We did feel that the two older boys, (Abel, almost 5 and Max, 3 and a half) who were allowed regular access to the mysterious and wondrous bathroom, might be less drawn to that type of crime, but felt that it was too soon in the investigation process to rule anyone out.

Next, we questioned the mothers. Neither was willing to defend their sons.

“I don’t think Auggie (the 2 1/2 year old) had time.” I had opened neutrally.

“He’s really fast.” quickly answered his mother.

“I think we kept the bathroom door shut.” I suggested to Ryder’s mother.

“No.” she replied. “Max went to the bathroom, and didn’t shut the door. I found Ryder in there.”

Ah..ha. Ryder had both motive and opportunity.

We sighed. He was a good suspect. But it might remain a mystery forever. One-year old Ryder was just too young to be intensively questioned.

But agent Grandpa was on the job.

He had cleverly left the scene of the crime intact. (Yeah, neither of us clean much…) And two of the four suspects were babysat the very next day.

The mystery ended with a confession.

Grandpa lead Auggie into the bathroom; showed him the spoon; and pointed to the piles of dirt.

“Did you do this?” he demanded straightaway.

Under pressure, Auggie confessed….or boasted. It’s a little hard to tell with Auggie.

So, the crime was solved. It was the usual suspect…or so we thought.

Our Early Intervention Specialist (aka Tracy) informed us that “a toddler confession can’t be trusted.” And I’ve noticed Ryder looking longingly at the plant, now under the living room window, while glancing at the spoon in his hand. It seems this crime will never be solved.

1 comment to CSI Foxboro

  • hilarious! the fascination with mud and dirt continues. I recall our son, now the eminent software engineer, putting several buckets of driveway gravel into the back seat of my car .. why? dunno!!

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