Dec
27
2009

Fantasy Christmas

To sleep perchance to dream..drat's I woke up!I woke up slowly, trying to remember what day it was. Then it came to me.

“Bah! Humbug!” I declared, pulling the blankets up over my head.

“Lov…get up! It’s 6 am. Open your presents!” my husband shouted cheerfully.

I burrowed deeper under the covers.

“But Mom…” my daughter added. “Remember? We’re doing it differently this year…it’s fantasy Christmas!”

“Does that mean that this is really a civilized time of the day? Like 8 or 9?” I grumbled.

“Quick, Open your presents!” they all commanded.

‘To Mom from Josh’ read the first package.

And there he was, standing in front of me. Only he looked different.

“You cut your hair. And shaved your beard!”

“That’s right,” he declared. “And I have a job. Plus, in my spare time, I’ve decided to go back to school and take up accounting.”

At that moment, I had a severe hot flash, and fell back on the coach.

“You can’t quit now Mom.” Said my daughter. “Open my present.”

I peered up at her.

“Tracy! You have an engagement ring! And a wedding ring! Plus…you look different too..”

“That’s right!” she gushed. “I’m eight months pregnant!”

I fanned myself harder. “Whew! I don’t think I can take anymore of this.”

“Open mine!” my youngest chimed in. “See! It’s Ellen and I. We’ve moved back to Massachusetts.”

Then I blinked, and started to walk around my house. It was…bigger. There were huge windows everywhere. I had a bathroom off the master bedroom. And a breakfast bar!

“Is it self-cleaning?” I asked my husband.

“Absolutely.” He declared. “I programmed it myself.”

Then I gasped again. As I kissed my husband, I spied us both in the mirror.

“Wha?…I’m thin again. And you have dark hair!”

“That’s right. I just asked Santa to make us both 20 years younger…”

“Ooohhh…” I replied, looking at him again. “Is it nap time?”

“Mom! Oohhhh.” cried all three children at once.

“Umm…moving on…” interposed my husband. “Have you seen this mornings’ headlines? Congress just passed a single-payer health care bill, a massive green jobs stimulus, and has withdrawn all the troops from Iraq and Afghanistan.”

And then, as I sat down contentedly I looked outside. It was different too. There were daffodils, and little red shoots on the maple trees.

“That’s right Mom.” The kids said proudly. “For you, for Christmas, we arranged to just skip over winter this year and go directly to spring.”

I fanned myself again.

“You know…” I admitted, cracking a small smile… “Maybe this Christmas thing isn’t so bad after all…”

And then I blinked again. I was back in bed.

“Luv…luv…”my husband whispered,” Do you know what day this is?”

“Is it? Is it Christmas? I murmured happily.

“No.” he answered, looking puzzled. “No, it’s Wednesday, garbage day and we need to get it out quickly before the truck comes! No. “he added “In fact, there’s at least 12 more shopping days until Christmas…”

I rolled over and pulled the blankets over my head.

“Bah. Humbug.” I whined.

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